Tag Archives: Joy

What’s with all this Mommy Character Building?

8 May

 

Mornings are not my forte; I’m simply not an early riser.  Yes – I’m a mom, but I’m also human, and I need to sleep…..  I enjoy my sleep and love it when my body simply does the waking up for me.  It understands when I am completely rested … I’m sure you know what I mean, you crave it as much as I do…  that amazing feeling when you can wake up without the lethargic & sickening effects of poor sleep.

 

This morning was particularly hard as the night before I had experienced an incident with my eldest, in which he ended up behaving very badly in a drug store.  I had a complete meltdown and said things that no mother should EVER say to their child.  Honestly, I don’t even know where the words came from..   To make matters worse, the guilt & remorse was so intense that I just couldn’t sleep properly.  I spent most of the night trying to share the king size bed with my two restless sleepers – we were all pretty affected from the emotional windstorm.

 

So, here I was, 5:45AM this morning, waking myself up, feeling lousy as ever… trying to put my makeup on without completely looking like a sideshow.  Of course I drew my eyebrows in way to dark, and ended up with an angry bird frown – not pretty, especially when your two year old cocks his eyebrows and looks at you funny…  My usual routine involves the esthetics, getting dressing, getting the kids’ things together, and then loading up the car while they “TRY” to get dressed.  I also like to get the car running so it’s nice and toasty for when I bring the boys out – its a good feeling when your butt doesn’t experience an Antarctic tundra, I’m sure they’re happy about it too.

 

I was especially in a rush today as I had woken up late, and needed to get them dressed and out the door ASAP.  Trying to keep my cool, as getting any child 5 and under to do something at 6AM is next to impossible.. It’s a nag, seriously, sometimes I just want to leave them at home and drive off.  The repetitive “please”, “come on”, “do this”, “hurry up”… just doesn’t work.  ..And… finally!… We end up making out the door and to the car….. Oh and was that ever earth shattering.

 

I had somehow managed to lock my keys inside the car while it was running………. *BIG GUTTERAL SIGH*

And I so know….. that I serve an incredible and loving God.  I’m sure that he has a sense of humor too…   I don’t always understand him, but I get that he allows certain problems to unfold in my life.  Oh, and please don’t confuse “allow” and “creates”.  God will never create an issue – it’s simply not part of his character to do so.  He is incapable of chaos and disorder, instead he utilizes our problems to correct, test, direct, protect and perfect.  Oh and this so gets me!  Darnit!  Why can’t he just teach my kids to be a little more well-behaved? Or unlocked my car for me?

You see, much of my life has been spent going through trials.  For many years I would try my hardest to get out of a trial.  Oh you’d laugh or cringe at some of the idiocincrecies..  I would be SO thankful when it was over, and quickly resume where I’d left off – Hahahah.. typical female!  And so, these trials kept happening and happening as I failed to see how God was trying to use these situations to teach me grace, love, poise, wisdom, understanding, temperance, joy, thanksgiving, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, forgiveness, humility, courage, friendship, honesty, truthfulness, gratitude, responsibility, attentiveness, diligence, discretion, reverence…  it’s a lot to learn when  you’re a Mom, trust me – and you need it all!

 

I reacted and still react foolishly, in resentment and ill mannerism rather than taking time to consider what benefit the situation might bring or how my actions are affecting the people around me.  I hurt those I love the most when I react, instead of respond… 

 

Oh and talk about humor…. Where we see stress God sees opportunities – big ones. Where we see crisis, He sees growth and betterment – although the process I find to be painful. God’s purpose in times of crisis and trouble is to teach precious lessons – and sometimes I just don’t GET IT!  They are intended to educate, and build us up. And when we learn from them and ride out these storms of life, they prepare us for greater moments of strife and great JOY!….

 

In reflection, I realize that my behavior yesterday towards my kids misbehaving, the things I said, and this morning’s “Car” incident, were both meant to test and correct.  Unfortunately for me, I didn’t take time to realize today that what I really should have done was pay attention to my two little boys who I’d hurt – instead I fretted about my situation over Facebook and to everyone I know… … I have to rethink my strategy.  I have take the time to truly come to God in humility and not to the World in negativity.  Because time is truly short, and a Mother’s work is the most precious on Earth.

 

“We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.” – Unknown

 

It’s Eating my Fat – How I found my Blueprint

3 May

Growing up vegan we were always healthy and never dealt with obesity or weight-gain as an issue.  Both my parents were extreme advocates of clean living, and made sure my brother & I only enjoyed the best of what nutrition and active living had to offer.  That is until we came to Canada, and much of that changed in a drastic way.

I’m not trying to place blame on Western society as a whole, but within the first year of experiencing its effects and the negative emphasis on body image, I spiraled into a deep depression.  I had never had to conform to fashion, body image, or alter my attitude to suit a societal norm.  I had never been exposed to media or the “celebrity” effect, and as a result I went into shock (physically, mentally, nutritionally, and spiritually).   I felt insurmountable pressure to be a certain way and reacted as any 10 year old girl would… fighting for survival.  This new way of life ended up inducing triggers, exacerbated by perfectionism that created a type of adolescent stress. These triggers included interpersonal discrepancies, low interpersonal esteem, depressive affect, and dietary restraint.


The situation strained as my mother entered the work force, working three jobs, leaving my brother and I having to fend for ourselves.  Our positive dietary & lifestyle habits deteriorated, and fast food and television was introduced.  There were also the pressures faced when I entered middle school, as due to our lifestyle I developed much faster than most girls my age.  The sudden onset of curves and breasts caused a lot of unwanted attention from boys and horrible bullying from girls – much of it happening behind closed doors.

Unfortunately with the lack of support, interventions were non-existent to target the negative cognitions and behaviors I was developing.  I felt ashamed of who I was and kept much of the pain & self-esteem issues to myself.  This led my parents to label me as some type of rebellious adolescent. It’s a shame; I really wish they had taken the time to actually open the lines of communication and empathize with what I was going through.  However, my parents were only equipped with the knowledge that had been passed down to them, and having said that, I understand much of what I have gone through and hope to be a buffer to my own children when they need me most.


So why the title of my post and the extensive write-up?  Well, I needed to give you a little insight into why I am now so darn happy with the latest developments in my life.  You see, for the last two years I’ve been battling to get the last of my baby weight off since the birth of my second child.  It’s grated at me, kept me awake at night, made me extremely self conscious, stopped me from going out with friends, or even wanting to get intimate with my husband.  It’s fueled another depression (although there are many other factors), and it’s added to a great deal of physical & emotional stress that I’ve experienced. 

Something happened… something finally clicked, it was like a light-bulb went on in my head and I suddenly knew.  I acknowledged myself before God, as both a human being and a woman, and gave all power over to his authority.  I found myself crying with joy, suddenly aware, suddenly assured, and desiring to actually work at becoming my best self.  I guess you can call it a type of awakening of sorts, I’m a little more honest with myself, a little more understanding, and I realize nothing ever happens overnight – but it can. 

In reading the bible and other books on faith, I started to understand that there was a type of blueprint that we were all supposed to be living by.  That somehow society has managed to veer off the beaten path, and was trying to create happiness on its own terms. Is it working?  Well, look at the world around you.  How many people do you know, that are completely happy with who they are, what they have, what they look like, and how their life is playing out?  Is society’s version of independance and self based pursuits working?  I really don’t think so.

This blueprint I talk about has five major areas of life; the spiritual, relational, physical, financial, and purpose (career).  Each represent a part of every person, young and old. So, I’ve started asking myself certain questions.  Why am I here? How can I be the best me? What is God’s will for my life?  How do I fulfill my purpose? I’ve started to realize that life is not about achieving my personal best. Life is about fulfilling the unique purpose I was created for.  I can now see that much of what I’ve gone through in life has set me up for this very moment.  My gifts and passion for health and wellness wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t been forced to take an interest in mine, and the health of those around me.  I’ve also become aware of the fact that my spirit is what inhabits my physical body and gives it life; it’s the essence of who I am!  Without it, my personality, thoughts, or emotions wouldn’t exist. I would simply NOT be me, and that’s so key to realizing just how important EVERY SINGLE human being is on this planet.  We are all here for a reason, and our purpose as a whole is interdependance – it’s why we’re so different from each other!!!

I know this is going to sound crazy, but this new pattern of thinking, loving, breathing, seeing, and behaving has actually started to suck the fat of my body and out of my life (fat to me means all the bullshit whether physical or environmental).  I feel like every day I see myself changing a little more, and the scale is reflecting too!  I remember first establishing NinetyDays2Life (a health support group) in October 2010 with a weight-loss goal in mind, educating the woman that attended on how to “loose” weight.. but was I ever wrong in targeting weight as the issue… it isn’t.  As NinetyDays2Life began to evolve, I started to realize that the issue was metaphysical, that the dis-ease inhabited the mind and manifested in the body, and I can tell you that there were so many mixed reviews on much of what I presented in the end.  I found that nutrition was more of an art, and that indulgence didn’t signify living a good life.  Realistically, our indulgences and wants are what destroy us. As my vision evolved, so did the group dissolve, people were simply not ready, and unfortunately societal norms won.  I can tell you that change isn’t easy, it isn’t easy to try and alter thinking, feeling, being – we are what we know.. but we have the power to alter all that..


I now firmly believe that weight, health, physical fitness, all that stuff that fits into wellness, it starts in your heart and in your mind.  Since I have begun to make small changes, and taken the time to plan, prepare, and work at following the blueprint, I have seen tremendous changes in my life.  I’ve manage to tame the office nut, my marriage has done a complete 180, my kids are suddenly a little more well-behaved, and I am finally seeing the physical results I have longed for.

What I am even more self-assured of, as my journey just begins, is that the results of my new mission, vision, and passion in life, they’re all going to be permanent.  I will never diet my way to freedom again (mentally, physically or emotionally).  I’m not going to conform to someone else’s dreams  I’m not going to let opinions or criticisms stop me from helping people that actually want to be helped.  I’m not going to let impulse control my decisions. I’ll instead take it all to God with a heart filled with joy and thanksgiving for all that I am and will be – trusting him in everything that I do in order to create my best life.

%d bloggers like this: