Tag Archives: Courage

What’s with all this Mommy Character Building?

8 May

 

Mornings are not my forte; I’m simply not an early riser.  Yes – I’m a mom, but I’m also human, and I need to sleep…..  I enjoy my sleep and love it when my body simply does the waking up for me.  It understands when I am completely rested … I’m sure you know what I mean, you crave it as much as I do…  that amazing feeling when you can wake up without the lethargic & sickening effects of poor sleep.

 

This morning was particularly hard as the night before I had experienced an incident with my eldest, in which he ended up behaving very badly in a drug store.  I had a complete meltdown and said things that no mother should EVER say to their child.  Honestly, I don’t even know where the words came from..   To make matters worse, the guilt & remorse was so intense that I just couldn’t sleep properly.  I spent most of the night trying to share the king size bed with my two restless sleepers – we were all pretty affected from the emotional windstorm.

 

So, here I was, 5:45AM this morning, waking myself up, feeling lousy as ever… trying to put my makeup on without completely looking like a sideshow.  Of course I drew my eyebrows in way to dark, and ended up with an angry bird frown – not pretty, especially when your two year old cocks his eyebrows and looks at you funny…  My usual routine involves the esthetics, getting dressing, getting the kids’ things together, and then loading up the car while they “TRY” to get dressed.  I also like to get the car running so it’s nice and toasty for when I bring the boys out – its a good feeling when your butt doesn’t experience an Antarctic tundra, I’m sure they’re happy about it too.

 

I was especially in a rush today as I had woken up late, and needed to get them dressed and out the door ASAP.  Trying to keep my cool, as getting any child 5 and under to do something at 6AM is next to impossible.. It’s a nag, seriously, sometimes I just want to leave them at home and drive off.  The repetitive “please”, “come on”, “do this”, “hurry up”… just doesn’t work.  ..And… finally!… We end up making out the door and to the car….. Oh and was that ever earth shattering.

 

I had somehow managed to lock my keys inside the car while it was running………. *BIG GUTTERAL SIGH*

And I so know….. that I serve an incredible and loving God.  I’m sure that he has a sense of humor too…   I don’t always understand him, but I get that he allows certain problems to unfold in my life.  Oh, and please don’t confuse “allow” and “creates”.  God will never create an issue – it’s simply not part of his character to do so.  He is incapable of chaos and disorder, instead he utilizes our problems to correct, test, direct, protect and perfect.  Oh and this so gets me!  Darnit!  Why can’t he just teach my kids to be a little more well-behaved? Or unlocked my car for me?

You see, much of my life has been spent going through trials.  For many years I would try my hardest to get out of a trial.  Oh you’d laugh or cringe at some of the idiocincrecies..  I would be SO thankful when it was over, and quickly resume where I’d left off – Hahahah.. typical female!  And so, these trials kept happening and happening as I failed to see how God was trying to use these situations to teach me grace, love, poise, wisdom, understanding, temperance, joy, thanksgiving, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, forgiveness, humility, courage, friendship, honesty, truthfulness, gratitude, responsibility, attentiveness, diligence, discretion, reverence…  it’s a lot to learn when  you’re a Mom, trust me – and you need it all!

 

I reacted and still react foolishly, in resentment and ill mannerism rather than taking time to consider what benefit the situation might bring or how my actions are affecting the people around me.  I hurt those I love the most when I react, instead of respond… 

 

Oh and talk about humor…. Where we see stress God sees opportunities – big ones. Where we see crisis, He sees growth and betterment – although the process I find to be painful. God’s purpose in times of crisis and trouble is to teach precious lessons – and sometimes I just don’t GET IT!  They are intended to educate, and build us up. And when we learn from them and ride out these storms of life, they prepare us for greater moments of strife and great JOY!….

 

In reflection, I realize that my behavior yesterday towards my kids misbehaving, the things I said, and this morning’s “Car” incident, were both meant to test and correct.  Unfortunately for me, I didn’t take time to realize today that what I really should have done was pay attention to my two little boys who I’d hurt – instead I fretted about my situation over Facebook and to everyone I know… … I have to rethink my strategy.  I have take the time to truly come to God in humility and not to the World in negativity.  Because time is truly short, and a Mother’s work is the most precious on Earth.

 

“We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.” – Unknown

 

A Secret Confession…. not so secret anymore..

31 Mar

Have you ever just felt completely blah?  A complete and total lack of energy or sense of direction?  Panicked, or anxiety filled? STRESSED OUT?  Hopelessness?  A need to curl under something and wait for the world to pass you by?  What about total exhaustion?  You can’t get up in the mornings, and when you do the world spins around you.  Or a complete inability to sleep ? You haven’t the faintest clue as to why you’re feeling this way, and all that’s apparent is this feeling, right here right now.

There’s a lot to blame for this metaphysical nightmare.  We live in such a fast-paced world demanding constant on the go lifestyles.   Long gone are the days of the simple and uncomplicated.  We’re not riding horses or building homesteads anymore, no, we’re commandeering gadgets and machines that at a press of a button will do almost anything we want!  We have this need to constantly be in control, and have the highest expectations of ourselves and of others.  We likely do multiple things at the same time, and regularly say “Yes” to everything, sacrificing what precious little time we should spend with ourselves and with God.  We’re detached from our emotions, from our spirituality, and have a hard time letting go of grudges, guilt and anger.  Oh, and then there’s stress… we don’t seem to identify well with it, but it’s there – EVERYDAY.  We are completely disconnected…..

Listen, however sad but true, we need to start coming to terms with the fact that society is imploding on itself.  This “way of life” is destroying our ability to be interdependently functional as parents, partners, co-workers, leaders…. you get the picture.  We’ve allowed this to happen because we want more, need more, compete more, compare more, and fact is, if we don’t change, we’ll very likely get taken out by some dis-sease or die.

I’ve been fighting with the above symptomatic issues for quite some time now.  Have you?  For me, it’s a combination of severe depression, stress, anxiety, guilt, pain, the list goes on… and I’ve made a choice to no longer allow this to rule my life.  I’ve found relief in the last few weeks; it continues to be a radical and emotional experience… I call it giving it up to Jesus; creator, savior, died-on-the-cross, loves us unconditionally, wants to have a relationship with us and see us prosper and be fruitful, healthy and happy – you know……. that guy….  How absolutely amazing, incredible, eye-opening, soul gripping… his word is like a light unto my life right now…  I’ve felt that in my darkest hour, there has always been an answer in his word, and how could there not be – its supernatural!

Philippians 4, “5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  What an amazing promise!!!!

If you’re in this fight; hopeless, hurting, in pain, desperate to find peace & contentement, my advice is to give it to God. I have lost nothing in doing so, and yet have gained tremendously.   It’s not some type of overnight quick fix, nothing happens without faith and commitment, but with time healing starts to take place.. and that’s paramount!   I hope this has been an encouragement to you, and has somehow made you feel a little less alone in this great big world!  We all go through darkness, but know that light always prevails.

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